When your pregnant, patiently awaiting your new bundle of joy, in such a happy time in your life, there is one thing that sort of slips through the cracks and is not a thought on your mind….until it happens to you. Postpartum depression-What! Me? NO-way! Oh yes, yes me.
When Cruz came, my world was sort of a blur. New baby, new stay-at-home mom, and a world of loneliness. My husband was able to be home for a few weeks, but after that… just me, a basket case with a colicky baby, and my sweet…colicky babe of course. My husband works about 26 days every month, and changes shifts every single week, so to have him on hand is not possible most days. With my family two states away, it’s a lonely world as a mom of a baby who, lets face it, wasn’t a walk-in-the-park sort of baby. I envied the moms who always have smiles on their faces, were well put together nicely and could take their babes literally everywhere, who had their own moms or sisters nearby for a quick visit to sort of ‘breathe’. I was pretty much self confined to the walls of our home, which lets just say, is not conveniently located to anything (so no ‘quick’ trips anywhere to get that Mom-boost). Cruz was colicky and simply despised the car-ride and still does 17 months later. So, I sat and still sit, home most days alone (with our caravan of therapists to keep me tuned into the outside world). It got to me, and then it got worse, and got to my husband, and so on, and so forth. I never thought it could happen to me. But it did. A blogger/influencer I follow, Sia Cooper, she mentioned PPD as two words, “debilitating and paralyzing “. I’d have to 100% agree with her. There are days, you don’t take care of yourself, your home, and find it hard to care for your babies. Days you don’t want to get out of bed, but know you have to for your babies, days you don’t want to eat, speak and just be left alone.
Here I am 17 months postpartum, not quite my old self. I have recently started to see a therapist, who placed the “PMAD” title to my name. PMAD or Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder, is better described as a range of emotional and physiological reactions post childbirth. Basically, its postpartum depression, progressed and much worse than the normal baby blues which tend to pass quickly.(sbpep.org/pmad/)
Why in the hell haven’t I sought out a therapist before?! Seriously, I look forward to my weekly visit, for that breath of fresh ‘talking’ and just letting all my woes, worries, and loneliness, just go to a stranger… she’s my ears. She listens, counsels and helps me learn, think and put a perspective on my ‘core of beliefs’. (which will be another blog post later).
So, lets face it mommas, ‘Momming’ is hard! If you’re starting to feel not like your old self after your sweet babes have entered the world, I encourage a trip to a therapist, or a jumbo sized glass of wine…or both! (who are we kidding, definitely both!). Even though your world may at times feel lonely, and maybe it is, get yourself right, for yourself, and your sweet babe, however healthy way that may be for you! For me, therapy gives me a little hope and a little pep in my step.
So, let’s grab our wine glasses and Cheers! To this crazy, hormonal, sometimes-lonely AF, mom-life!
For information on Postpartum Depression: The Postpartum Stress Center